The Excellent Woman
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THE EXCELLENT WOMAN
Proverbs 31:10-31
Introduction:
Illustration: Answers given by 2nd year school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers? Why did your mom marry your dad? What would it take to make your mom perfect? If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?[1]
I love Mother's Day. I have such high esteem for the position of motherhood. “What could possibly be more important than to be God’s tool of the forming of a human soul?” (Paul Tripp, Parenting) Moms have been through it all. Changing diapers, comforting nightmares, caring for the sick, meeting with the principal, sitting through painful recitals, baking birthday cakes, washing clothes.
Before we talk about Moms, allow me to highlight first some of the important themes that I believe are foundational to our understanding of the family as the first and most fundamental of all human institutions which God ordained in Scripture.
The family is the object of God’s special concern.
Realistically speaking, in a fallen world the family is always in a precarious state (financially and in other ways).
A Christian family is dependent on God’s grace and providential care to see it through the difficulties that are an inevitable part of family life. No family is strong enough to manage its affairs apart from God’s provision.
In view of these things, every member of the family, especially parents should EMBRACE the ups and downs of family life as well as their role and responsibilities.
All Moms play an important role in building up the family and fulfilling God’s vision for it.
“God has a very special place for mothers in His created order. They are among His most sacred and beautiful gifts to humanity.” (Alistair Begg, Parenting God’s Way)
Also, Paul David Tripp in his book “Parenting” states that “nothing is more important in a mother’s life than being God’s tools to form a human soul.” Your role as a Mother is of extreme value because God has designed that you would be a principal, consistent, and faithful instrument in his hands for the purpose of creating God-awareness and God-submission in your children. God has set you apart so that you would be ready to introduce his glory and grace to your children. For what higher and more compelling goal can there be than to know your purpose as a Mom and accomplishing it for the glory of God.
Moms partner with Dads for the transmission of a God-centered, Christ-treasuring vision of life to their children and turning their homes into a refuge of Christ’s peace and a launching pad for ministry. Such a daunting task, right? It is Difficult and demanding, that’s why it requires great devotion.
Let’s turn to Proverbs 31:10-31. What is the passage all about?
The book of Proverbs is a collection of wise sayings. It is part of the Wisdom literature (Song of Songs, Job, etc)
The wise sayings of the book are not presented in a vacuum. They are not purely moralistic aphorisms. Instead, they are steeped in theistic assumptions. These wise observations about how the world works assume that God the Creator is none other than Yahweh, the LORD OF THE COVENANT.
Several characteristics (literary features) of this poem should be noted in order to appreciate its impact on the teaching of wisdom.
First, the entire poem is arranged alphabetically (a pattern known as acrostic).
Second, the passage has striking similarities with hymns/songs.
Third, the passage has similarities with heroic literature.
Putting these observations together, one can conclude that Proverbs 31:10-31 is like a “song (hymn) to Lady Wisdom written in the heroic mode.” (Tremper Longmann III)
Tremper Longman III and Raymond Dillard state, “There are several reasons why the writer would use the literary features to present his description of wisdom:
A personification of wisdom allows the writer to make all the lessons concrete and not abstract.
It provides a polemic against the literature of the ancient world that saw women as merely decorative – charm and beauty without substance.
And it depicts the greater heroism as moral and domestic rather than militaristic.”
The noble woman, then becomes a role model of wisdom for all who read the poem. The poem certainly presents a pattern for women who want to develop a life of wisdom – that the fear of the Lord will inspire people to be faithful stewards of the time and talents that God has given.
I. HER WORTH (SHE IS A RARITY)
In this passage, a certain type of “woman” is being sought. Who can find her? Where is she to be found? What is this woman like?
Literally, she is a person of “strength” (Prov. 31:10). More specifically, this woman is designated as “excellent,” “virtuous”. The root meaning of the word (Heb. - chayil) is “strong, or valiant.” The term regularly refers to the strength of an “army.”[2] In the biblical context, this “character” of the woman, as in the case of Ruth, involves being morally upright, a responsible citizen, committed to the family, and faithfully devoted to the LORD. She’s got strength of character and convictions. Remember “Gladiator” the movie, “strength and honor.” I think they got it here (see 31:25). The same phrase elsewhere in Proverbs describes a wife who is her husband’s crown, contributing to his prominence and lending dignity to his person in the community (12:4a).
Who can find “this woman of character?” A person will have to look hard. If you are seeking a wife with character, don’t fall head over heels for the first woman who uses a little flattery. Look diligently! But in your looking, don’t trust your own prowess. Only the Lord can enable you to find the right one suited just perfectly for you.
Make no mistake. Beauty in a woman is a wonderful thing, a manifestation of God’s greatest handiwork. But beauty is neither the only nor the first thing that a person should look for when searching for a partner. What you want is a woman “with character,” a godly woman who will stand strong for the principles of the Lord. When you find this kind of woman, marry her! The Philosopher Bertrand Russel once said, “by all means marry, if you get the right one you’ll be very happy. If you get the wrong one, you will become a philosopher.” Whatever it costs, pay it gladly. Her worth is far greater than the most costly precious jewels (Prov. 31:10b).
II. HER WORK (She is RELIABLE)
This mom lives on mission. There’s a lot of things that we can say about her accomplishments (e.g., her industriousness, Prov. 31:13-20, 24-25), and I wish I have more time to unpack all of these. But allow me to just focus on her ultimate priority.
A. First, she devotes herself to serving her family. Everything that she does, she does it for her family. She is home-centered. This is supported by the number of times the word “household” is used in the text.[3] That is the place of her labor. The virtuous woman “looks well to the ways of her household” (31:27). This, of course, makes the place of her labor as a wife and mother the “household.” Her priority in life is to be a helper to her husband (v. 12; see also Gen. 2:18; Titus 2:4–5). This fulfills the vision of Genesis 1-2. She is content to support and share in her husband’s success (vv. 23,11b). She’s committed to helping her husband, and in helping her husband move their family forward. That’s the reason - the motivation for all her hard-work (or should I say heart-work). It is never about her. She’s not me-centered. She always gravitates toward other-centeredness. It is always about them and for their sake – her spouse, her children, her household. She gives herself to the welfare, to the wellbeing of her household.
We have here a woman who provides for her family, protects her family and perseveres to fulfill her God-given mandate. Women, please realize that this place of labor is never degrading. In our society today, a woman who is a homemaker has become an object of mockery. It’s remarkable isn’t it how demeaned and marginalized it all is. A woman who spends most of her time and energy at home is said to be the victim of male chauvinism and a slave to her husband and children. She is said to be a menial laborer who is unable to think for herself. Or, on the other hand, she is accused of the easy life. “It would be nice to be able to stay home, but I have to work for a living. Most of us women are not as fortunate as you!” Oftentimes my wife has been asked: do you work? Meaning, a homemaker does not really work. The Bible, on the other hand, speaks of mothers in the home in the most glorious terms. Our passage today, and a host of other biblical passages, speak of the work of a mother in the home in the most noble manner. In other words, the place of a mother in her house laboring among her family is an honorable job, highly esteemed by God. It is the best job a woman can have. It takes a highly intelligent woman, a skilled woman, a motivated and zealous woman to fill the requirements of a virtuous mother. And it takes a woman with a lot of energy and a great dose of kindness[4] to be able to do their responsibility as a Mom and a wife.
B. Second, she delights to work and determines to accomplish a lot with her hands. She builds up and brings beauty into her “household” (Prov. 31:13). Two phrases typically characterize many Western women: “Born to shop” and “Shop till you drop.” Someone said that marriage is like a “WORKSHOP,” men work and women shop =) (Ladies you have an opportunity to get even next month hehe). But these phrases do not describe the woman found in Proverbs 31. These words express the ideal of Western secularism, of modern materialism in which the shopping mall has become the temple and consumerism has become god. But this woman in Proverbs is a “hands-on” person, working hard night and day. She is up in the morning while it is still dark, preparing food for her family (Prov. 31:15), protecting them during snow time.
She works vigorously. She has strength in her arms and determination in her will that enable her to persist at a job until it is done (31:17).
She glorifies God through her family (Prov. 31:21-23).
She provides domestic order so that her husband will not be distracted by a malfunctioning household. The consequence of a well-ordered family means that her husband quickly gains the respect of the elders of the community.
In other words, she is busy fulfilling the cultural mandate, subduing the earth to the glory of God. She has been remade in the image of God the Creator, and so honors him with the whole of her life. So, the wife’s contribution to the family situation gives glory to God.
III. Her WALK (She is Respected and Rewarded) – She walks in “the fear of the Lord.”
Notice that she’s respected not because of her physical appearance. We have here a woman who cultivates inner beauty in her heart. That’s what makes her really attractive. She has this kind of beauty that radiates from within. No wonder she’s able draw people closer to her and to her God. Are you beautiful? I mean not just outwardly but also inwardly.
It’s a wise woman who knows that true beauty comes from a holy heart. Her identity comes from an inner encounter with the LORD. The real issue is not her looks but how she looks to the Lord. Essentially, we have two choices – we can fear how we look on the outside and spend all our time trying to make ourselves look better or we can fear God and trust Him to make us better on the inside. The real fear should be that we might displease God and not that we might displease someone else.
This “fear of the Lord” shows itself in the way she speaks with wisdom and covenant faithfulness. It shows itself in her WORDS. She might be so busy, but she doesn’t neglect her teaching ministry at home. The first thing I notice in Proverbs 31:26 is that it identifies the mother (alongside the father) as the teacher of godly wisdom.
In his commentary on Proverbs, Derek Kidner speaks of “the fully personal bond taken to exist between husband and wife. The two share the children’s training and assumed to speak with one voice.” The passage speaks of the prominent role of the mother in pointing her children to God by speaking and teaching them the wisdom of God. Now, one can only do this if she knows the content of this wisdom - if she knows the Scripture. It is necessary then that a Christian Mom is known for her devotion in reading and studying the Scripture. One can only share what he or she received. Feed yourself with the word. How is your time alone with God? How is your devotional life? This woman is the concretization of Lady Wisdom as introduced in the earlier portion of the book. In the piety of her words she stands as the opposite of Lady Folly. Proverbs places so much emphasis on words, on the way a person speaks. This woman constantly speaks words of wisdom and covenant faithfulness. Every time she opens her mouth, a gem, a jewel, a pearl of great price blesses the hearer. She never speaks rashly or in anger. Always the graciousness, mercy, and kindness of the LORD come to expression in her words. In her fear of the LORD she instructs her children with the righteousness and graciousness of her covenant God.This “fear of the Lord” also shows itself in her WAYS. I’m talking about her life, her testimony, her compassion, love, care, etc. The excellent woman shows her care by “watching over the affairs of her household” (Prov.31:27). She doesn't have her head in the clouds. She’s constantly watching over the comings and goings of her family. She’s not naive. She’s very conscious of what’s going on with her husband and children. If one child begins to stray from the path, she’s the first to notice and do something about it. If her child or her husband is not feeling well or going through something she immediately senses it.
Her Praise (Proverbs 31:28-31)
Three people spontaneously praise this godly woman: her children, her husband, and the people at the city gate. First are her children and her husband: “Her children rise us and bless her; Her husband also praises her” (Prov. 31:28). The children are not content to just “sit there” in the presence of their mother. They “jump up” and bless her. They pronounce their childhood benedictions on her. Then it’s the husband’s turn. He adds his praise to the blessings of the children. But eventually it all becomes a public thing. In the gate, where the elders, the judges, the kings, and the people assemble, she will be praised. She deserves this praise. So, give it to her.
Gospel-Centered Applications
To all the Moms…
Rely on God and His grace - Godly women do not succeed in their own strength. Because of the Fall, virtue does not come naturally.
A female friend of mine told me recently, “I hate that text! If anyone reads it at my funeral, I plan to haunt them! No human woman could live up to that. It's a guilt trip waiting to happen.”
It is certainly true that all of us fall short of the standards of wisdom set forth in Proverbs. The gospel, however, brings hope. Our perfection is in Christ, who has atoned for our sins and failures and has given his very own virtue to us so that we can stand before God unashamed (Heb. 10:14). God accepts you not based upon how good a wife (or husband) you may have been. Rather, the LORD receives you because he is satisfied with the perfect virtue of Christ which has been imputed to all who trust him.Remember Christ – The NT presents Jesus as the incarnate Wisdom of God. He is the Teacher of Wisdom. Like Lady Wisdom, Jesus magnetized people to himself. Although there was no camera was available during his earthly ministry to capture his physical appearance, Dr. Luke vividly described him as one “who grew in WISDOM, and stature, and in favor with God and men” (Luke 2:52). He was the only person in history who was able to attract the notoriously imperfect, the outcast and the down-and-outs. He accepted and loved people unconditionally. When he healed, he was not only giving people a temporary pain reliever. His healing was complete. And those who were touched by the beautiful Jesus came out as changed individuals. They also became beautiful inside and out. Paul argues that the wisdom of God is revealed in the cross, “Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God” (1 Cor. 1:24). Jesus Christ, the revelation of the wisdom of God, the embodiment of the wisdom of God, the revealer of wisdom, the one “in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Col. 2:3), the Head of the Church, and the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. The past, present, and future are secure in him. The Wisdom who beckons us now is none other Jesus Christ. Christians, being united with Jesus, receive transcendent, transcultural and transformational wisdom. And God’s wisdom is made visible when believers (dads, children, moms, boys and girls) reflect the light and life of Jesus Christ in our homes and our community at large. Christ is our virtue!
Ladies: EMULATE this virtuous woman. Don’t make Eve’s mistake and let the serpent rob you of joy because of promises of bigger and better things outside God’s will. Enlist in God’s school of spiritual charm and beauty. Older women should teach these things to younger women (Titus 2:3–5). Younger women should seek mentoring from godly older ladies.
Married men: ELEVATE your wife to her proper level of honor and respect. Acknowledge her to be a gift from God. Show her how you delight in her. Love her as Christ loves you. Do all you can to help her find joy in her role in your home. Affirm your wife.`
Single Men: ENTREAT GOD to bless you with a woman/partner after his own heart.
Children: ENCOURAGE YOUR MOMS. Tell your Mom, “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE BLESSED, AND YOU ARE THE BEST!!!”
SOLI DEO GLORIA!
[1] See https://www.ba-bamail.com/humor/why-did-god-make-moms-funny-childrens-answers/
[2] An informative parallel to this passage is found in the book of Ruth. Boaz addresses Ruth with this identical phrase (Ruth 3:11).
[3] She “rises early and provides food for her household” (31:15); She is “not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet” (31:21); She looks well to the “WAYS” of her household (31:27).
[4] The challenges of the home can squeeze the last vestige of kindness from one’s heart. You need a daily supply of it from God and his word.
-Pastor Jerome David