Mending Relationships

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DEEPLY ROOTED FAMILIES |

Mending Relationships

Key Verse:

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. — Colossians 3:12-14

Intro: In the times we live in, we have a disturbing trend happening in the last decade or so. There is a climate of division and hatred brewing all around us. We feel it in our homes, schools, work, politics, and daily lives. Today, it is easier to divide ourselves based on what issue we stand on. People don’t want anything to do with those who differ in our beliefs and opinions. So we distance ourselves from those we disagree with. Then, we hastily label a group of people as dangerous to our society and way of life.

Yale University researchers share their findings on the connection between social media and moral outrage. These researchers found that social media users are encouraged to express more outrage on Facebook and Twitter because they get rewarded with “likes” and “shares.” Whether we realize it or not, we live in an age of outrage. Unfortunately, if we are not careful, we can get easily sucked into this atmosphere and get lost in the fury and vitriol of our world today. 

Our faith is never just defined by the things we are opposed to or against. Our Christianity has always been determined by what we are for. The core of our message is how we can reflect the kind of relationship God wants for us and others. We are called to mend relationships. 

In the past messages, we’ve discussed how spiritual practices like prayer, worship, and reading God’s word deepen our relationship with the Lord. Today, we will talk about what it would look like when we live out this depth. It is when we build, form, and reconcile relationships with the people around us.

For us to better understand what mending relationships are, picture fishers that mend their nets. When they are mending, it’s not just they are fixing their broken nets. Mending also includes equipping the nets and adding something to them to make them stronger and more durable to serve their purpose. Our passage today talks about the things we need to continue to incorporate into our lives to make our relationships more vital and complete and fix them if need be. All to make us the kind of people God had called us to be. As we talk about the things we need to put on, we will also talk about the reason and power we need to put on these values in our lives. We will let Paul’s letter to the Colossians will guide us in our message this Sunday. 

I. The Response to Our Identity

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved….”

After reminding the believers of Colossae about the preeminence of Christ, in this section, Paul tells them how to live out their faith. Then, in chapter 3, Paul emphasizes that once someone becomes a believer, there is a deliberate choice to live as people who have been raised in Christ. He uses this term of putting to death the old self and its sinful traits while putting on the new man with its godly attributes.  

In Paul’s reasoning, believers now have a new identity and can live differently. He tells them that as believers, they are “God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved.” What do these terms mean? The Colossians being chosen meant that God knew them and chose them even before He formed the world. Being holy meant that God set them apart for Himself and His purposes. Them being beloved meant that they were accepted and treasured by God Himself. In a way, believers are now a new kind of people, so they must wear some new type of clothes. 

So what are these new clothes the Colossians need to put on? They’re compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. We will discuss the other two on our second point. This list is not just a list of things they need to do, but it speaks more about the posture of their hearts towards others. Compassion is displaying sensitivity and care to the needs and suffering of others. Kindness is showing a sweet and thoughtful disposition in dealing with others. Humility and meekness are lifting others better than oneself. Gentleness is not behaving harshly but being considerate to other people. Patience is enduring discomfort for the sake of others. 

Paul wants the Colossian believers to live out their identity. As a community of people, these virtues should reflect who they are. One of the main differences between Christianity and other religions and even non-religious systems is our view on identity. Every other moral system teaches people the need also to live out these same virtues. But what’s their reason? Because they’re taught, it’s just the right thing to do. For Christians, their identity is a driving force behind why they must live out these traits. They do not have to seek approval from a god or other people. Who they are in Christ dictates how they should relate to others. They live out their identity because knowing they belong to God and He belongs to them.

So how does this apply to us today? First, we must understand that our vertical and horizontal relationships dictate our Christianity. The cross gives us a beautiful representation of this principle. We need to work on our vertical relationship with our heavenly Father but never neglect our horizontal relationships with our families, fellow believers, neighbors, and everyone around us. We also need to realize that these vertical and horizontal relationships affect each other. When we are not right with God, developing genuine relationships with others will be hard. And when we are not right with someone in our life, it will be tough to get right with God.

In his book, Renovation of the Heart, Dallas Willard writes, “For all that is in between God and me affects who I am: and that, in turn, modifies my relationship to everyone around me. My relationship with others also modifies me and deeply affects my relationship with God.” We have a faith that comes from the heavens and impacts our lives here on earth. We have a God concerned with the way we relate to others. For God, relationships are essential. He is not just concerned with us having the correct belief or building the proper morals. God creates in us a kind of people that reflects His heart for others too. How we form, foster, and build our relationships with others can reflect our direct view of God and how we see ourselves in Him. 

II. The Cause for Our Mercy

“Bearing with one another and… forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you.”

We can all agree that relationships are essential to our lives. In the Scriptures, we

find that even God existed in a relationship. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have an intimate, perfect, and eternal bond. God created humans to experience the blessing of relationships also. That is why in the Garden of Eden, He created Adam and Eve to be together. They were to enjoy God’s presence and each other’s in perfect harmony. 

However, because of the fall, sin and death entered the picture. It wasn’t only our relationship with God that shattered; it’s also with the rest of humanity. The fall brought a particular type of death to our relationships. With it came the reality of conflicts and broken relationships. All misunderstandings, mistrust, grievances, complications, and fighting resulted from the fall. This brokenness is why we cause and receive hurt from all sorts of people around us. This reality is that, believe it or not; this affects people in churches too. Paul understands this dilemma, which is why he reminds the church about what they need to do when conflicts arise. They are to show mercy by bearing and forgiving each other. 

What do these terms mean? Bearing with one another means carrying the burden of each other’s present shortcomings. Believers are tasked to bear with each other the pain and hurt that will come from living in a community of broken and fallen people. It means helping someone get back up in their walk if and when they fall. Galatians 6:2 writes, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Forgiving each other means taking for oneself the cost of someone’s wrongdoing. Tim Keller says, “to forgive is to cancel a debt by paying it or absorbing it yourself.” One does not hold the other person in a shackle because of the wrong they’ve done. Instead, one absorbs the hurt and surrenders it to God. The ultimate reason why Christians can forgive is that they’ve found mercy and freedom of forgiveness in Jesus themselves.

 This kind of forgiveness is what Jesus talks about in his parable in Matthew 18:21-35. The merciful king in the parable absorbed and forgave the tremendous debt that his servant owed him. The king expected the servant would do the same with those who owed him some debt. When this servant refused to forgive someone else’s debt, the king’s anger was poured out onto this servant. Matthew 18:32-33 writes, “Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?”

So why is this important for us to hear today? God’s design is for His people to live in harmony and unity, but because of our fallenness, it’s never as plain and easy as we like. We will inevitably fail, wound, and hurt each other. When these things happen, we need to bear and forgive one another. But it is difficult. This idea of forgiveness is almost inconceivable and even impossible for many of us. C.S. Lewis said, “We all agree that forgiveness is a beautiful idea until we have to practice it. 

If I could just be honest, there are times when people have caused me some real hurt. It was easy to stay in a state of anger, hatred, and bitterness against those people. It’s hard to let go. However, I praise God for the freedom and joy that Jesus brings. He gives me such a breath of fresh air when I am reminded of His work on the cross. Instead of holding onto the pain, I felt, I could let go and let my Savior carry me along the way. Of course, it does not mean that there are no consequences for the wrongs done. However, when we forgive, we give up the right to retaliate, avenge ourselves, and leave that right due to God. 

Jesus bore our burdens. He forgave our sins. Now that we have experienced His mercy, there is no reasonable justification why we will not turn around and do the same for others. Let me quote C.S. Lewis again. He wrote, “to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” Christ showed us the perfect example as He gave us the most excellent resource in the Holy Spirit. When we surrender and answer His call to bear with one another and forgive one another, we can experience a more profound way of living in Him.

III. The Basis of Our Harmony

“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

In the last verse of our passage, Paul talks about what binds all the virtues and actions together. He tells the Colossian believers that love is the most crucial element they need to put on. In his epistles, Paul talks a lot about the excellence and necessity of love. Love should be the basis of everything the believers need to be and everything they need to do as God’s people. Everything Paul listed in these verses will be shallow and superficial without love. One can have all these traits, but it will amount to nothing without love. In a way, love is like a belt that holds everything in place. Love ultimately is the foundation and ground from where relationships start; without it, no real and lasting relationship can be built. Love is where believers stand upon. 

In the Christian tradition, someone is called the Apostle of love. Do you know who he is? He calls himself the disciple whom Jesus loves. This is the Apostle, John. We see all across John’s Gospel account and his epistles God’s desire for His people to be defined and distinguished by His love. These are some verses we need to meditate on and contemplate as we talk about navigating our relationships with each other. 

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” — John 13:35

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. — John 15:12

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” —1 John 4:7

 “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” — 1 John 4:11-12

When I was younger, one of my brothers, Ron, was building these Gundam robot figures. He would take hours and sometimes days to build one. Back then, Josh and I would play with these robots. After we played with them, they somehow broke. There were many Gundams that me and Josh pretty much destroyed. I remember my brother getting angry because of the broken Gundams. But, despite what we did, we always felt that my older brother loved us. Those Gundams were never more important than his love for us. Do we have any Gundams in our lives that are hindering our love for each other? Are we putting something on a pedestal, making it more significant than our relationships? I believe when we realize God’s love for us, we can truly love.

Now we might look at Paul’s list of virtues as overwhelming and unattainable. But instead, we must remind ourselves that God’s love is our most excellent source of why we can be the people He calls us to be. When we live out His love, there are many ways we can be an unstoppable force for the kingdom. His love gives us the power to be the kind of people that goes against the hostility in our world. We defeat evil ultimately by love. So let’s get deeper in His love and be moved, driven, and motivated to live our His love for others. 

We have a God that is about mending relationships. He sent His Son so that He can mend this relationship with you and me. Now we are called to love as He loves. When His love is perfected in us, we can genuinely portray to the others, especially the lost, what it means to be loved by Him. So let’s love Him with our minds, souls, and strength. Let’s love our neighbors as ourselves. Let’s continue and work and build deeply rooted families. Then, we will shine our lights brighter than ever before and be the people God longs for us to be. 

-Rev. Jerusalem Ona

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Instilling Generosity