Wise Parenting
Proverbs 22:6 (ESV):
6Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Parenting is a serious responsibility that requires maturity and hard work. Unfortu nately, many parents do not prepare adequately before taking on this role. I wish it were as structured as driving, where you must study and prepare to qualify for a license. Nowadays, new drivers are required to log at least 50 hours before obtaining a regular license. Why don’t we hold parenting to the same standard? I believe that many are just trying to wing it, and as a result, many innocent lives are being sacrificed.
Certainly, in addition to the lack of preparation, many parents today are struggling to raise their children due to financial stress, work demands, and the pressures of modern life. Allow me to explain these three factors. First, due to the higher cost of living, both par ents need to work; single-income households cannot manage. Then, since both are working, they must juggle work demands, household chores, and quality time for their kids. That’s re ally stressful. Lastly, modern life pressures mean that access to gadgets like laptops, tablets, and cell phones has opened up a world of social media, where numerous false authorities tell us how we should live our lives. This has added pressure to family dynamics.
I don’t mean to scare our single individuals about parenting. Yes, it is challenging, yet it is a very rewarding journey. God’s grace is more than sufficient to provide us with the grace, patience, and guidance we need as long as we continue to rely on Him. Stormie Omar tian, a well-known Christian author, wrote these words in her Facebook post – “We don’t want to limit what God can do in our children by clutching them to ourselves and trying to parent them alone.”
I completely agree! God delights in being involved in all aspects of our lives, including our parenting. We only need to invite Him to actively assist us. This is the main reason we are discussing parenting in church this morning. As you can see, my theme today is Wise Par enting. In our current series on the Book of Proverbs, the Lord has provided us with many wise instructions on family matters. We just need to become familiar with them.
This morning, let’s explore together what He has to say about parenting. However, I want to start with a disclaimer: To be clear, I do not claim to be an expert. I’m a fellow learn er, just like everyone else in this room. Having clearly stated that, I want us to examine a very familiar verse, which is Proverbs 22:6. Let’s discover how this verse should be interpreted and explore some practical applications of it. Let me share three significant aspects of this
verse:
I THE PROPER INTERPRETATION OF THE TEXT
It is important to understand the nature of the Book of Proverbs and
how this verse was written in the original text, so we can avoid false guilt lat er when we apply it. The more popular interpretation of the verse is that God promises that if parents do their best to guide and raise their children in His ways, when they grow older, they will not depart from their faith in Him. If they do ever depart from Him, it will be temporary; one day, they will be restored to Him and His ways.
Have you ever seen children of godly parents stray from their upbringing as they grow older, sometimes never to return? This reality has made many Christian parents feel guilty, prompting them to ask, “Where did we fail in raising our kids?” Personally, I have witnessed pastors’ kids walk away from the faith and adopt lifestyles similar to those of unbelievers. What happened? Did God fail these parents?
This is where understanding the nature of Proverbs becomes crucial. This verse is not a promise from the Lord. When King Solomon wrote this book, he shared general truths he ob served and experienced in life. It’s almost like saying, generally speaking, if you do this, realis tically, this would be the natural result. However, general truths do have exceptions. For ex ample, a general truth is that if a person eats healthily and exercises regularly, they are likely to live a long life. However, this isn’t always true. Why? There are other factors that can short en a person’s life, such as genetics, environment, or life choices. The same can be said for chil dren who grow up in Christian homes. They have the sinful nature, life choices, and social in fluences in their lives to overcome. If they are not diligently keeping themselves in the Lord, they can go astray.
The second truth is the original text. If you read the text in our English translation, this is the reading – “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” However, if you read this in the Hebrew text, the phrase “the way he should go” is not in the original. The phrase is actually one word in Hebrew, “Derek,” which means “way” or “path.” Thus, the term “should go” was simply added by translators, leading to some confusion. So, the correct reading should be, Train up a child in his way; when he is old, he will not depart from it.
What is the implication of this reading? We should view this as a warning from God ra ther than a promise that if we let our kids choose their own path early on, they will not stray from it. Daniel Akin and Jonathan Akin wrote their book of exposition on Proverbs, and their explanation of this verse goes like this – “Don’t leave your children to their own way or you might watch them march straight into hell.” How many parents allow their kids to do what
they want, believing that they are supporting their personal expressions? Is this really what parents should do? This leads me to my second point.
II THE PARAMOUNT INTENTION OF TRAINING
Before we continue, in our responsibility to raise our children, let’s re
member that they are entrusted to us by God, who will hold us accountable for how we fulfill our duties. Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family Ministries, once said: “Children must be valued as our most priceless possessions. They have been loaned to us temporarily for the purpose of loving them and instilling a foundation of values on which their future lives will be built.”
Acknowledging this truth, what should parents do for their children? King Solomon specifically advised that we ought to “train” them. The key words in Proverbs 22:6 are “Train up.” The original Hebrew word is “chanak,” which can be translated as train up, initiate, or dedicate. Often in the Old Testament, it is used for the dedication of a house or a person to the service of God. To see an example of its use, let’s read:
Deuteronomy 20:5 (ESV):
5Then the officers shall speak to the people, saying, ‘Is there any man who has built a new house and has not dedicated (chanak) it? Let him go back to his house, lest he die in the battle and another man dedicate (chanak) it.
From this word, the critical perspective is that our children belong to God, dedicated to God, so we must diligently provide them with proper instructions and discipline as part of their training. This is the main reason why we should intervene and not let them go in their own way. We must teach them, guide, and discipline them, so they can be in the way of the Lord. Listen to these verses:
Proverbs 22:15 (ESV):
15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Proverbs 29:15 (ESV):
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. These two verses explain why we should correct and discipline our children. The Bible clearly states that because of the sinful nature inherent in our children’s hearts, we cannot simply leave them alone; we must be actively involved in raising them diligently. Listen to these descriptions of children:
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, they gobble their food, they terrorize their teachers.”
Do you know who said these words? Not someone recent, but the great Greek philos opher Socrates, who lived more than two thousand years ago. Yet it seems he was describing
children of today. Why? It is because children, then and now, are not differ ent; they may dress differently and have newer toys, but their hearts remain the same. They are corrupted by the same sinful nature. Thus, Christian par ents must lead them to Jesus Christ early on and disciple them to surrender their lives to Him. I like what Lindsey Bell, author of Unbeaten and Searching for Sanity, said about parenting. She said:
“The goal of parenting isn’t to create perfect kids. It’s to point our kids to the perfect God.”
III THE POSITIVE IMPLEMENTATION OF TRAINING
A popular Christian author, Philip Yancey, wrote about an African safari he experi enced, where he saw an old mama giraffe caring for her offspring. Shortly after the baby was born, she approached and kicked her young one, seemingly causing it pain. She repeated this action, and each time, the little giraffe would rise on its wobbly legs and attempt to walk, yet
she continued to kick him. Eventually, he got up quickly and ran away from her kicks. Philip turned to his guide and asked, "Why does the mother giraffe do that?" The guide replied, "The only defense the giraffe has is its ability to get up quickly and outrun its predator. If it can’t do that, it will soon die." Yancey noted that while this behavior appeared cruel, it was actually the most loving thing the mother could do for her offspring.
Similarly, attempting to train our children through teaching and discipline may some times seem cruel, but in reality, we are equipping them to thrive in this challenging world. Now, before I close this sermon today, I want us to be more practical and discuss some positive ways we can implement the training of our children. Here are at least three things:
A. Talk to God About Them
The Bible clearly states that we need God’s help in building a Christian home. Psalm 127:1 says – “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” In other words, we need to invite God’s presence and power to help us build our homes. The truth is that even our best efforts are inadequate for shaping the lives of our children. We desperately need the assistance and guidance of the Lord.
In the book of Judges, we find the example of Manoah after he was informed by an an gel sent by God that he and his wife would be given a special son. His response is found in Judges 13:8 -8Then Manoah prayed to the Lord and said, “O Lord, please let the man of God whom you sent come again to us and teach us what we are to do with the child who will be born.”
Are you aware of your need for God in raising your children? Dr. James Dobson once said, “It is impossible to overstate the need for prayer in the fabric of family life.” God will be delighted to see us humble ourselves be fore Him and seek His help!
B. Teach Them About God
Parents are the primary teachers of their kids about God and their responsibility to give Him their highest love and loyalty. This was exemplified in Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (ESV): 4“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
5You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
6And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
7You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.
9You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. If you look back at verse 7, the concept of teaching is less about a teacher lecturing in a classroom environment and more about the type of teaching that happens during casual, spontaneous, everyday conversations of life. Therefore, we parents need to recognize that the best teaching method emerges from our day-to-day interactions with our children. So, we must be sensitive to the opportunities we have to direct their attention to God. Now, there is a sense of urgency on our part. Listen to this study of the Barna Research Group:
A study indicates that nearly half of all Americans who accept Jesus Christ as their Sav ior do so before reaching the age of 13 (43%), and that two out of three born-again Christians (64%) made that commitment to Christ before their 18th birthday. One out of eight born-again individuals (13%) made their profession of faith between the ages of 18 and 21. Less than one out of four born-again Christians (23%) embraced Christ after their 21st birthday.
I believe that our greatest accomplishment as parents is leading our children to the saving knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
C. Touch Them with God’s Love
Lastly, we need to love our children in the same way that God has shown us love as our Heavenly Father. Many of us might think it's natural for our kids to know they are loved by their parents. However, that is not always the case. Parents must be more intentional in
this regard because our children have an inherent need to feel loved.
In 1997, the Journal of the American Medical Association reported the results of a recent federally funded study involving 12,000 teens. The study revealed that teenagers who don’t smoke, drink, engage in premarital sex, take drugs, or commit acts of violence say that the number one reason they avoid these be haviors is their unshakeable knowledge that they are loved by their parents.
Do your children know that you love them? How can we express this to them? Here are three proven ways:
1) Tell them that you love them.
2) Spend time with them.
3) Accept them unconditionally
The parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-31 illustrates the love of God in action. We need to draw close to God and allow Him to fill us with His love.
Allow me to close with this quote. I’m not sure who said it but the words summarize the value of wise parenting:
“Fifty years from now, it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what kind of house you live in, how much you had in your bank account, or what your clothes looked like. But the world may be a little better because you were important in the life of your child.”