Identity in the Christian Family
Ephesians 5:21-6:4:
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3“that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and in struction of the Lord.
Introduction
The Church’s One Foundation
(Reverend Samuel Stone)
The church’s one foundation, Is Jesus Christ, her Lord;
She is His new creation, By water and the word.
From heaven He came and sought her; To be His holy bride;
With His own blood, He bought her; And for her life He died.
The church shall never perish; Her dear Lord to defend,
To guide, sustain, and cherish; Is with her to the end.
The hymn gives us a beautiful picture of Christ’s sacrificial and perpetual love for his church. When Paul talks about the Haustafel (literally house table or domestic code) in Ephe sians 5:22-6:4, he uses an analogy that shows Christ’s relationship with the church. The paral lelism (between Christ-church and husband-wife/parent-children) evidences the order or di vine design that God has established as well as the distinct obligations of each member of the family. Our commitment to follow God’s revealed will in relation to our respective roles as spouse, parents and children would demonstrate how our family is shaped by the gospel and how it exists to display the gospel.
Proposition: When I am being the most Christ-like spouse and parent, then I am influencing my spouse and children in positive ways for the glory of God.
I. Our Identity is Rooted in Christ
See how this chapter begins, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.” In this practical section of the Epistle, the specific call is about reflecting Christ in our relationship with others. Here Paul is not only reminding the Ephesians of God’s redemptive work through Christ, but also of the status (position) that they have as a consequence of God’s sovereign work of election. Paul underscores that those who are united to Christ are called “beloved children.” The emphasis on our identity in Christ is set forth as the motive for our obedience. “We obey because we are loved; we are not loved because we obey” (Bryan Chapell).
Our identity as believers is found and grounded in Christ. Our identity in Christ stimulates our obedience, “to walk in a manner worthy of our calling” (4:1).
Paul Trip states, “Children and marriages are probably the two most frequently occurring locations for misplaced relational identity, but we all attempt to find identity in another hu man being at some point – [a spouse, a child,] a friend, a “celebrity” that we know, or even our pastor! It's a parasitic way of living that always ends in disappointment. Human relation ships are unable to provide us with life, contentment, happiness, and joy, so when we ask
them to be our source of identity, it’s only a matter of time before they fail us.”
Application: Our identity is safe and secure in only one person – Jesus Christ. Our need for security and significance can only be found and experienced in Christ. Your identity in Christ is far greater than your achievements, appear
ances, and marital status. John Calvin famously said “the human heart is a perpetual idol fac tory.” And Kevin de Young states that, “One of the acceptable idolatries among evangelical Christians is the idolatry of the family.” But remember, your worth and value does not fade away when these relationships fail or come to an end. We are simply in Christ, and He in us. When all else is stripped away, there is Christ. Do not place your worth and value in (temporal) things that you are so tempted to make as your identities. Acknowledge Christ as your only hope and your only identity.
II. Our relationship with our spouse and children is to be ruled by Christ and regulated by his word (5:22-33)
This section is the first of the two that address various relationships or “household codes:” (1) wives and husbands (5:22-33), and then (2) children and parents (6:1-4)
A. Wives, submit to your husbands - “Wives, submit to your own husband, as to the Lord.” (5:22)
Submission does not mean “inferiority.” Christ is co-equal and co-essential with the Fa ther but he willingly submits himself to his Father’s will (1 Cor. 15:28). Benjamin Merkle explains, “Women are equal of value and worth to men, since both are created in God’s image. But, based on God’s design, men and women assume different roles in the mar riage relationship.”
♦ Submission is positive, has a priority (5:21), has parameters (5:22b, “as to the Lord”), has a pattern (5:23b, “even as Christ is the head of the church”: Acknowledge that God has established a divine order in the Christian home – the main issue here is obedi ence), and has a purpose (Erik Raymond, TGC).
♦ Submission is the pouring of oneself into the “completion of another.” Do my actions, words, and attitudes enable my husband to lead my family to a better knowledge of God? Have I truly in everything submitted my life to this highest priority? “In Christ’s kingdom, submission does not lessen believers’ standing, it confirms their place” (Benjamin Merkle).
B. Husbands, serve your wives - “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (5:25)
♦ Sacrificial love – “Sacrificial love dies to self and serves the one it loves in unsung do mestic heroism” (Kent Hughes). When was the last time you did something for your wife without expecting something in return (this is manipulation)? When was the last
time you earnestly and passionately prayed for your wife about her spiritual life, pressures, friendships, etc.? To know what to share, how to serve, and what to pray for our wives, we need to be sensitive and attentive to their needs (Illustration: The farmer and his wife). Also, remember that our wives deserve a faithful love that extends to death.
♦ Sanctifying love (5:26-27) – Is your wife growing in conformity to Christ because she is married to you? Husbands, our role is to edify our wives and enable them to sense ful ly and deeply their “worth” to us and to Christ. How do we fulfill this call? Take note of the phrase, “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (5:26). Paul makes it clear here that the husband’s responsibility to help his wife grow in sanctifica tion (holiness) is by making sure that the Scripture is a present voice in his home. Bry an Chapell emphasizes, “living and reading the Scripture in the home, as well as mak ing sure the family regularly worships where Scripture is honored are ways that this expectation is fulfilled.”
Application: Husbands, see your responsibilities through the lens of Christ’s sacrificial ministry. Husbands, represent and reflect Christ to your spouse. “Husbands cannot under stand their daily responsibilities in a marriage without understanding that their primary pur pose as heads of households is to help all persons in the home fully apprehend the Lord’s grace in their lives” (Bryan Chapell). A true Christian husband cares about his wife’s own holi ness and growth in grace. Lead well. Love much (as Christ loved, 5:2). “Ask not what your spouse can do for you. Ask what you can do for your spouse!”
C. Children, show respect to your parents (Children, obey your parents in the Lord. Honor your father and mother, 6:1-2)
♦ What are God’s instructions for children? In a word, it is to obey and honor their parents. There are two reasons for these injunctions:
1. “For this is right” – To honor and obey our parents is like a “universal law”. All across various cultures and societies, children are expected to respect and obey their parents. To do otherwise is a sign of “decadence and degeneration” (Kent Hughes). Paul under stands “disobedience to parents” as a result of having a “depraved mind” (Romans 1:28-30).
2. It is “the first commandment with a promise” – We honor and obey our parents be cause God said it so. It is commanded by God. Children obey their parents because in doing so they are obeying God, their true Father in heaven. It reflects their service and submission to God. Children, when you obey and honor your parents, do it “in the Lord.” You are to obey and honor for Christ’s sake and with the grace and power he provides.
♦ The quintessential role of every Dad is to disciple and help his family become faithful fol lowers of Christ (This is also for Moms). Paul David Tripp asserts, “Your work as a parent is
a thing of extreme value because God has designed that you would be a principal, consistent, and faithful tool in his hands for the purpose of cre ating God-consciousness and God-submission in your children.” Build them up in the faith by teaching them the word of God and talking to them about the God of the word. Amazed them with God’s love, grace, mercy, righteousness, holiness, patience and absolute sovereignty.
Conclusion and Application:
1. “Ephesians 5 is not an improvement guide for spouses…On the contrary, we are told one another’s duties for the purpose of making their work a joy to them” (Gospel-shaped Mar riage, Chad and Emily Van Dixhoorn). So, wives make yourselves as lovable as possible; and husbands, do your best to be worthy of respect. Children, listen and love your parents.
2. How do we do this? The divine pattern for marriage that God has established gives us both a precept to follow and power to fulfill it. As you work to strengthen the tie that binds you as a couple or a family, remember that you are not alone. God is with you, and he cares for your marriage and family.
3. What robs us of progress in terms of keeping our unity and growth in Christ as husbands, wives, parents and children? (Self-centeredness, self-righteousness, and self-reliance). We wrestle with all of these every single day. But the good news is that there is an available and abundant provision of grace and power for this battle. On the cross, Christ did not only exhibit his unselfish and unconditional love for us, but he also liberated us from the enslav ing power of sin by paying the debt for every “selfish desire, thought, word, or deed to which we will ever give ourselves. Look at Christ. Look at the Cross - there die all our selfish aspirations” (Paul David Tripp).
You are blessed to be chosen to receive the gospel and to reflect its beauty and power in your marriage and family life. SDG!
May 27, 2023/Dr. Jerome David